Mar 4, 2007

Positive trends in anxiety

I feel funny about posting all these positive messages all the time, but I am doing better, I can see it from month to month. I am afraid that I will break the luck... we'll see, here comes another one.

I notice a difference in the way I am feeling and handling anxiety these days. I first noticed this in December and now it just happened again. When I have an event that is causing me big anxiety, I used to ignore it. When the event was close, I started being ballistic against anyone around. I would finally accept that I am anxious, not sleep for a night or two right before the event. When it finally happened, I was exhausted and tired.

Now, my anxiety starts way before the event: two weeks in advance I keep thinking about it, about all the bad things, how I'm not going to do the right thing, etc. It is really painful: I'm thinking about it all the time, I can't sleep well, I get IBS symptoms. This happened to me this last week. All of a sudden the world became unbearable. I was wondering what is going to happen if this will go on for another week.

And then, out of the blue, in the shower one morning, after two sleepless nights, I thought: if this is so painful, I'm resisting it. If I just let go and stop resisting, it will get better. My anxiety dissipated right there and then and now I can't even believe that my last week was so difficult. It felt like I lived so much anxiety that there was no more left to feel. I ran out of anxiety :D

My meeting is will be in a few days, but I am sleeping well, feeling great and having no problems. The same thing happened with a party back in December. I love this. It is getting so much better.

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