Mar 6, 2007

Dependence and independence

There' s a great article in today's New York Times that discusses whether dependency is healthy or not. It suggests that a controlled dependency on a spouse can actually make for a happier marriage. I must admit that I agree with the statement.

When I started feeling better about myself, first it felt great that I don't need to run to my husband to help me get through this or the other crisis, but by the end of the month I realized that we missed on the quality time together. Readjusting our relationship to the new me and still keeping close together is maybe the most challenging part of this process. We spend quite a lot of time with our son though: eating dinner and bathing him, and playing with him and reading stories (Winnie the Pooh is our favorite - the jury is still out though if I am shy Piglet or wise Rabbit). And probably having a child would have been a challenge to our quality time anyway. I think we are adjusting well though.

We had a great relationship before and I am happy that nowadays the thinking is pretty much that a bit of dependency doesn't hurt. I wonder if when I'll get to the bottom of my social anxiety, I will discover that nothing was wrong to begin with.

I went shopping yesterday... first I noticed that when I'm outspoken people realize how strange I am. Then I got annoyed at their bad database design (you know, when they ask for your information even though they should have you because you already gave them identifying information). The service is bad and it takes a lot of time... So I guess I will continue to do Internet shopping not because I avoid it from social anxiety, but because I think it saves time.

The same with friends. I was very unhappy because I couldn't make friends. Now I don't want some of those friends because they have a dose of negativity that I don't need in my life right now. The friends I had before are still around and they seem closer now that they know about me.

It feels like the world is just the same, only my perception of it changed. Hmmm, nothing new under the sun.

1 comment:

lost_in_my_thoughts said...

Hi Ileana:

I just wanted to write to say hi - and to encourage you to keep writing.

I find I can really identify with your comments about readers not posting comments. I have only been blogging for about a week now - not long - but have fallen victim to this feeling as well.

I often check my blog at night to see if anyone has posted a comment - ok so maybe its every night...haha. I think its because I'm looking for social interaction. I write about my thoughts and feelings relating to anxiety on my blog. I value the comments that people who visit my blog make. Primarily because strangers are the most objective people you'll ever meet; an objective opinion is always needed!

A different way you can look at your blog is that you're writing for yourself. I find this helps. Something that has stuck with me is a comment that a girl said in my grade 7 class. I remember she was doing a presentation in front of the class - the topic, I have no idea. But, she said that one day she was out shopping and was thinking of buying a new sweater. She wasn't sure if it was "cool" or not and was doubting her sense of style. She ended up buying the sweater because she came to the conclusion that if she liked it - her friends would too.

I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this - Write for yourself - this is YOUR space. The more open and honest and creative you are it will empower you...and your peers will relate (or find it "cool").

Take Care,
- Lost