Feb 4, 2007

Anniversary blues

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now. I have a million things to write and I am too tired by the end of the day to do anything other than crawl into bed.

I just realized that our baby loss anniversary is now less than 10 days away. It is ironic that I got into the hospital on Valentine's day. Everybody is celebrating and we are mourning. I thought I'll have no problems with it this year, but I learned in time that we all say we are OK and then we realize that we should not have forgotten the anniversary.

I had 2 difficult interactions yesterday and they both ended up bitter-sweet, just as expected. Somebody got upset and someone else blew me off completely, but both of them were done gently enough that I realized it's outside circumstances that caused the responses, rather than rejecting me. But the roller coaster of emotions to go through this killed me and I was in tears by the end of the day.

I think the traffic on my blog decreased significantly and I am glad. Maybe in two weeks, when I'll be over this, I'll start inviting more people over. For now, I'll just be good to myself.

I found more blogs of socially anxious people and sent little messages: an email, a few comments. I never heard anything from them... I guess I must be the only one that feels comfortable in this environment.

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