Jan 27, 2008


I had this post already written, so I will publish it, but the next few days/posts will take a different turn, as my father unexpectedly (he was 82 and had a heart condition, so as unexpected as this can be) died yesterday. I am on the way to visit my family.

My first and best model was my father.

All my life I was in search of a model, someone that I can shape my life on. Someone that I can learn from. I kept looking and when I found someone that almost matched my dreams, I would put them on a pedestal and keep them on my Olympus mountain. I honored and feared them.

This might have been an important part in my social anxiety. I was shy with mostly everyone, but with my models, I was frozen. I couldn't say anything in fear of saying the wrong thing and making them reject me.

I must have lost a few friendships in my need that my friends are the perfect models, and in not accepting them to be in any way wrong or faulty, or just think differently. I would put them very high in my expectations, and when reality set in and I would see they are just human being, I left unsatisfied.

In this respect, I thing blogging has been a great help, not necessary me blogging as much as reading other blogs. As opposed to the rest of my life where I had one model that had to live up to my expectations, I found lots of models. I can enjoy and learn from each of them, but the pressure on them being perfect is not there... plus what do you know about a person from their blog?

So, who am I learning from these days?

Paul Levy - Last year I called Paul my hero... he's still my hero. He just recently got the awards for The Best Medical Blog and The Best Ethics/Policy Blog for 2007. Well deserved! I agree with the rest of the voters. Paul is cool.

John Halamka, MD - the CIO at Paul Levy's hospital, BIDMC, and a bunch of other places (like that insignificant Harvard Medical School). John successfully embodies the saying: accept what you can't change and do the most out of what you can change. He makes things seem simple, but acknowledges the complexity of each situation. He couldn't have done all the things he did with a different attitude. I think I will be raving about him a lot in future posts.

Jolie Bookspan-The Fitness Fixer - I met Jolie in person, the only blogger I have actually met. We liked each other and I hope we'll get to meet again and do things together. She's strong enough to do anything she wants to do. I love her ambition and what she does with her life.

Seth Godin - I think he has the most popular blog... and it is worth! I just subscribed and hung out for a month or two... this is the best that blogging has to offer. One short post after another, one small idea after another, he made me understand where I can go from here. I will talk about him some more as well, but I highly recommend his blog!

All my social anxiety friends and their progress: SA Dave, Drew at Shy and quiet, Leila as the Perfect Hypochondriac and "the Guy from Successfully Shy". Guys, you're all doing great! It is so good to see how much we've accomplished against our common enemy! I'm reading you all and keeping in touch with your progress. Keep going!


the guy from Successfully Shy said...

I hope everything is ok there. I assume you have lots of support from your family there, but you can always contact me if not.

(And on a less important note, thanks for the mention. Perhaps I'll continue blogging someday, not sure yet.)

Ileana said...

Thanks, it's very nice of you to offer help. You get an A+ for non-anxious behavior! :)