Sep 17, 2007

Marriage to a person with SA - comment

In response to my post below, Jay P commented that for some people with social anxiety getting married is only a dream. I will add the comment in its entirety, because it is very moving.

I will also change my profile to adress the fact that I only have mild social anxiety and that I apparently could quite easily overcome lots of problems. Even so, I made immense progress in the last year and I hope that this will encourage each of you SA sufferers to try to get to a point where social anxiety is affecting you less.

Many thanks, Jay, for your comment!

Jay P. said...
"Can you have a successful marriage with someone that has social anxiety? Apparently the most difficult thing is getting there - the whole socialising, dating thing." Exactly.Getting 'there' requires all the sorts of things that someone with social anxiety has difficulty facing. Such as those rather mundane, trivial things to everyone else like speaking, eye contact, and god forbid, being in a social context, anywhere!

Personally I've recently stooped to a new social anxiety low. I have more or less stopped speaking. I've begun to carry a small notebook around with me wherever I must go and if I am asked a question or even worst if I must ask a question, out it comes with pen in hand. Not surprisingly I've found that it limits conversation. Yes, thankfully shortens it.

I'm amazed that a relationship can develop when you're plagued with social anxiety. But don't get me wrong, I envy anyone that has.

It's not for a lack of good looks or intelligence that forbids me-likely anyone with social anxiety-from anything meaningful with the opposite sex. No, it's an apparent lack of personality under the guise of rudeness, insensitivity, even stupidity.

Of course my being is neither part nor sum of those things at all. It's all about being shy and how a sufferer is robbed of so many things in life because of it. A relationship, even marriage? Who'd even dare hope of such things?

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