Dec 14, 2009

What matters now - get the free e-book

Here's a free e-book that you should not miss. It's a compilation of quotes from the best contemporary minds. It's inspiring. It will make you stand up from your chair and make a difference. I plan to print it and read at least one page a day... hey, it might even get me to start writing again.

Below is one page extract that is significant to this blog... Just like the author below, I found that once I became free of my anxiety I became much more skilled socially than most of the people around. While being trapped in social anxiety and trying to find a rational way out of it, without even realizing it, you learn a lot about human nature and being social.


S O C I A L S K I L L S

I have really bad social skills, so I am constantly noticing
how the whole world revolves around social skills.
Research that really blows me away is that people would
rather work with someone who is incompetent and
likable than someone who is a competent jerk. And
then I saw that in some cases elite British crew teams
will put a weaker, but very likable, rower on a boat
because people row faster if they row with people they
like.
In my life, I have had to learn social skills one by one,
because I have Asperger Syndrome. I learned to smile at
jokes even though I’m too literal to understand most of
them; I listen to the rhythm of a sentence to know
when it’s time to laugh. And I learned how to say, “How
are you,” with the right tone of voice – to express
interest – although to be honest, saying that phrase
gives me so much anxiety that I never actually say it.
A few years ago I found myself smack in the middle of
the recruiting industry. I ended up, somehow, being an
expert on how to attract candidates, and an expert on
how to present yourself well to employers. At first I
thought it was absurd. I’ve never worked in human
resources, and I’ve never been a recruiter. But then I
realized that I’m an expert on the hiring process because
it’s all about social skills, and I’ve been studying them
my whole life so that I don’t look like a freak.
In fact, it’s not just getting a job. Or giving a job.
Getting or giving anything is about social skills. The
world is about being comfortable where you are and
making people feel comfortable, and that’s what social
skills are. What’s important is to be kind, and be
gracious and do it in ways that make people want to do
that for someone else.
Penelope Trunk is the founder of BrazenCarerist.com. Her blog is
blog.penelopetrunk.com.

9 comments:

Dave said...

'While being trapped in social anxiety and trying to find a rational way out of it, without even realizing it, you learn a lot about human nature and being social.' -- this is a great quote!

Anonymous said...

I need someone to hear me. I don't want to go to a party just because my dh wants "us" to go. If he wants to go because he needs to spend time socializing with other people, fine. I trust him and I am happy at home alone finding things to amuse me. I am never lonely when alone. I am lonely with people who seem to have an agenda. I don't understand people‘s behavior. It is seems there is always someone who comments on my right to exist. By that I mean how I sit, stand, breath, the look on my face, the way I look and talk. What I say or how I say it, what I eat, how I eat and even what I am thinking. Yes thinking. I thought I was the only one privy to my thoughts. It stuns me when someone insists they know my thoughts. Then there are the ones who know they are misbehaving and insist they're joking and that I am too sensitive. Maybe they are overly insensitive and think their rudeness is acceptable if called humor. So last night I stayed home and dh went to a party at home of some acquaintances. They are nice people and I like them in brief polite social interactions as I like most people. I attended an outdoor barbecue at their home last summer and enjoyed it. But I could move around and not be trapped in one room or spot which an indoor winter party might entail. So I stayed home and went to bed by 11 pm. DH came home next year (after midnight). He had to work early today so I only saw him briefly. Now I feel like there is a distance between us because I chose to stay home alone rather then go with him to socialize with a “bunch of nice people.” I don’t understand what it is he got out of going to this party, but he seems to need the attention of people other then me. While I need his attention only. Which most of the time he gives me begrudgingly. So I ignore his attitude toward me and amuse myself rather then bother him. Yes, being alone with my dh can be lonely. I’ve learned I am the only person who is kind, compassionate and accepting of me. Others want me to be someone else, who fulfills their expectation and I am a sore disappointment in being anything other then who I am. I've tried socializing and I find it exhausting and unfulfilling.

Anxious M said...

Having social anxiety problems has definitely made me a lot more sensitive to other people's social issues. I definitely feel like it helps me relate to people that may be misunderstood themselves. People that are good at socializing may write off anxious people as aloof - but my own SA issues help me know better.

Funny, I just wrote a blog post on how I can spot another person with SA a mile away:

http://www.anxiousiam.com/2010/01/14/gaydar-social-anxiety/

Green said...

Hi,
I’m a new blogger and my site's address is overcominganxietydisorder.com

Your site is very related to mine. I thought it would be beneficial for both of us to do a blogroll link exchange.
Please let me know if you’re interested.
email: glgreenlake AT gmail DOT com

Thanks.
Victor.

farouk said...

thanks for the link :)

snowboarder1041 said...

Thanks 4 sharing, I enjoyed reading this.

Scott

Come check us out over here at :

http://antisocialanxiety.wordpress.com

toliveistodie20 said...

Hmm, I've read alot of e-books on different self-help stuff for social anxiety. This one looks pretty good, thanks for the link. Here is my blog by the way, i write about similar stuff: http://www.livingwithanxiety.net

Maplewood Counseling said...

Hi
I'm always looking for good articles and blog posts on social anxiety.

Thx for this
Debra Feinberg, LCSW
Social Anxiety Support

paradigmofhope said...

Social anxiety is a problem for many people and age has nothing to do with it, it can affect anyone at any time. I have had experience with anxiety and for many years I simply withdrew from everyone and everything. Social anxiety if not put into check can devastate any person regardless. I found hope and it came by way of recognizing a new paradigm (a way of looking at ourselves and how we fit into life's scheme). I wrote a theory based on 25 years of research and study of the "human condition", and have written out a theory of emotional equilibrium. It is easy to understand as it appeals to our "common senses" If anyone wants to look at it you can find it at, naturesparadigm.biz. I hope that the admin of this blog can appreciate this and not delete it for the reason that we are all in this fight against social anxiety and depression together. You are all welcome to add links to any of my work and websites and blogs if you find them. I sincerely hope that all of the people suffering with any mental illness can find some relief soon.