Jul 13, 2008

I am a Certified Yoga Teacher

Woohoo! I passed the exam. It wasn't that difficult, but while studying I realized how much we learned that other people do not know. I would have loved to go deeper into anatomy and physiology, and to have more power, better balance and less fear, but it only has to start here. I have a lifetime to learn and build my life and my body as I'd like them to be.

I learned an incredible gem yesterday that will probably help me better explain what yoga and meditation does to your mind. Imagine a jar with dirty water. The dirt in the water are our daily thoughts. There are lots of them and they are hanging around popping in and out and moving in no particular direction. You can't see through the water because there are so many thoughts. If you put the jar down and leave it there for an hour or so, all the dirt falls to the bottom and the water becomes clear. Yoga and meditation helps you slow down the stream of thoughts, let them rest, see clearly the things that are important and pick up the important thoughts and make them happen.


CauseILoveU said...

I love the thought of the jar of dirt and how it takes a while for the jar to settle.

If you don't mind listening while I let my jar settle. I feel that this is the beginning of my meditation to figuring my life out.

I met this wonderful man about 3 years ago and we were instant friends. We could spend every minute together and never mind at all. I was quickly falling in love with him and I felt that he was with me. We decided to move to California where his family is from and things seemed as though my life was perfect.

As we became closer and closer I wanted him to be more and more a part of my life. I would invite him to meet my parents, go to my grandparent's for dinner, hang out with my co-workers, etc. With other people that I had dated for an extended period of time, this seemed to be the natural progression. At first when I would make these suggestions, he would make a somewhat logical excuse. He was working late, busy, etc. But then I realized that it was all the time. I had been living with and in love with a man that only I knew.

Because we both share a passion for the outdoors, we would spend hours playing frisbee, riding bikes, fishing and everything seemed great. But, the second I wanted to do something I felt was for me (going the movies, out to eat) he would refuse. Finally one day after a long visit with my family in Wisconsin, I decided that he didn't love me. I decided that he didn't care, because if he did, the little things that I thought were important would be important to him. So within a day I had packed my things and left him in a pathatically empty house with our two cats and his TV. This was the worse day of my life.

Besides the fact that this was a decision that was difficult, I still felt justified in my decision. I need someone who really loves me I kept telling myself and someone who can love my family and friends. To my dismay, on the day that I was leaving, he shared with me that he has SAD.

I felt betrayed because I thought I knew this person and here I come to find that he has been keeping this from me for over three years. I also felt huge amounts of guilt, because all of the things that I thought showed me that he didn't love me, really was something that he couldn't control. As I play back all of the time that we spent together, everythings makes sense. I feel now, more than ever, that he does love me and in his way he was giving me all he had. I feel like the worse person in the world for making him think that his best was not good enough for me.

Now we are living 2000 miles away from one another and we are both heart broken. I am at such a loss that I can't even begin and I just don't know how I can help him. Besides having to repair a relationship and maintain it long distance, I also want to be there for him and have him understand that I can be the one who understands what he is going through.

I have millions of other thoughts running through my head, but I suspose that is enough for now. I just want to say thank you for having a site like this. I need to read about life stories of people, so I can understand and hopefully get my one and only back to me.

Lindsay said...

I know it's been a few months since CauseILoveU posted but.....That story was so touching, I have experienced something similar though with an alcoholic. It helps to remember that everyone is going through their own struggles in life, and I think your story really shows the times when "he doesn't love you" just doesn't make sense. There is something else wrong. I wish you the best of luck, it sounds like you two should be together.

and I , being social phobic am really thankful for blogs like these too.

Anonymous said...

CauseILoveU, a long time has passed since your comment. Indeed a touching story. I have seen the other side, because I come from the other side. But somehow I found the way to live around the subject and get along with my life and build a family. I am not yet where I would like to be, but getting there! I am past half way, I would say. Would love to give your friend some comments about things that have and are helping me. I can remember those visits to my wifes relatives and other social exposures, with no normal shyness but downright stage fright. Unexplainable and a bit ackward for the others, painfully embarrasing for me. But that is way behind now, thankfully. jlbalsevich@ing.una.py