tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2731428701537137133.post8123609402849597556..comments2023-05-19T05:52:07.280-04:00Comments on Beating Social Anxiety: Marriage with a person with SAIleanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04040455462764366306noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2731428701537137133.post-12806612732206313222011-04-11T01:33:24.372-04:002011-04-11T01:33:24.372-04:00Here is a new one. My husband was not that shy whe...Here is a new one. My husband was not that shy when we met- at least with me, but he is terrified of social situations- to the point where he gets the shakes before going to anything. He does not have much positive to say about anyone anymore, although he does fine once he actually gets warmed up- and likes people once he gets to know them. He is a sweet- and very very good looking guy, he does look younger for his age, and I wonder if this has effect. He looks 22, and he is 31. We are very close on the day to day basis, spend most of our days together and get along well. But I am tired of always going alone to events and would like to go out more often, and I love him dearly, and I do not want him uncomfortable or unhappy. I am not sure what to do as he is sensitive when it comes up to me bringing stuff up about him, as we all are.Random Developerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08114912744294209012noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2731428701537137133.post-38095365947953289942010-06-08T02:00:38.580-04:002010-06-08T02:00:38.580-04:00Hi Hannah,
I'm sorry you are going through th...Hi Hannah,<br /><br />I'm sorry you are going through this. My advice to you is to try to get a network of support. Either friends, family or a therapist or even an Internet network. <br /><br />Sometimes we ask too much from our spouses, more than they can give us. Having other friends to vent to and that can reassure us that we are worthy and good and beautiful and fun makes a world of difference. You need to become confident in yourself. <br /><br />At the same time try to opt out of some of these events that are so hurtful for you. You can just go to one at a time until you feel more comfortable. And don't think about those people that are sorry for him for having such a wife. I'm sure that there are others, the quiet ones, that are sorry for you for having such a husband.<br /><br />Good luck to you! I hope it all ends well!Ileanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04040455462764366306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2731428701537137133.post-38790037890436155282010-06-06T20:24:19.172-04:002010-06-06T20:24:19.172-04:00What about being married to a recovering emotional...What about being married to a recovering emotionally abusive husband who is very charasmatic? I get little to no support from him. Just reminders that I'm no fun, and how much he has to hold back because of me. I feel okay when I'm without him, when the invitation was for me, but when we go someplace together, he is usually irritated at me for being nervous and when we arrive, I feel like I disappear. I feel I don't belong in his world. We live in his box with shallow partiers, and people love him on that level. I'm sure they feel sorry for him for being married to me, and he rarely reassures me that it's not true. I am very athletic and fit and feel comfortable at the gym unless he is there. I feel like I belong there, and with certain other people. Our fights are so senseless. They usually are over me trying to express my need for patience (he is hypomanic) and his cold and haughty sense of superiority and lack of compassion. The punishments for breaking his stride or being afraid of a bad social outcome. He vascillates from being critical to being very appreciative and loving. But I feel so unsafe with him.Hannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12623192284966208087noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2731428701537137133.post-14226450095550264802007-09-16T14:04:00.000-04:002007-09-16T14:04:00.000-04:00Thank you, Jay! That was very well said. I think I...Thank you, Jay! That was very well said. I think I just got lucky enough to have two wonderful men care enough about me that they ignored the rest.<BR/><BR/>I can imagine this being even more difficult for men. <BR/><BR/>And I am even more aware now that my social anxiety is actually mild, even though occasionally it seems to be ruining my life.<BR/><BR/>Good luck to you! I really feel for you and all others and hope you can get better and eventually succeed in what you want to achieve.Ileanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04040455462764366306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2731428701537137133.post-3824756632849650952007-09-16T09:34:00.000-04:002007-09-16T09:34:00.000-04:00"Can you have a successful marriage with someone t..."Can you have a successful marriage with someone that has social anxiety? Apparently the most difficult thing is getting there - the whole socialising, dating thing." Exactly.<BR/><BR/>Getting 'there' requires all the sorts of things that someone with social anxiety has difficulty facing. Such as those rather mundane, trivial things to everyone else like speaking, eye contact, and god forbid, being in a social context, anywhere!<BR/><BR/>Personally I've recently stooped to a new social anxiety low. I have more or less stopped speaking. I've begun to carry a small notebook around with me wherever I must go and if I am asked a question or even worst if I must ask a question, out it comes with pen in hand. Not surprisingly I've found that it limits conversation. Yes, thankfully shortens it.<BR/><BR/>I'm amazed that a relationship can develop when you're plagued with social anxiety. But don't get me wrong, I envy anyone that has.<BR/><BR/>It's not for a lack of good looks or intelligence that forbids me-likely anyone with social anxiety-from anything meaningful with the opposite sex. No, it's an apparent lack of personality under the guise of rudeness, insensitivity, even stupidity. <BR/><BR/>Of course my being is neither part nor sum of those things at all. It's all about being shy and how a sufferer is robbed of so many things in life because of it. <BR/><BR/>A relationship, even marriage? Who'd even dare hope of such things?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com